He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
