Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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