every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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