I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
this is an emotional support booty call
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
