Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You ruined the universe
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
