I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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