Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
