The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
