handjob tips. give me some.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
