Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
