Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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