i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
