He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
