OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
