OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
