why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
