It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
