You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
