eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
