i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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