Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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