I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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