I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
