Cold hands, warm shart.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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