This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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