last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
