You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
