Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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