How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
