i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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