I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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