I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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