you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
