Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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