How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
