Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
