so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
