i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
