If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
