yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
