Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Did I show you my penis last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just sucked dick on a ferry
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
