NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
