I hate your face
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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