Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
