When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
