I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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