i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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