I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
