My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
wow bdsm is so cute
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize