I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
