I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
