whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
