I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
