Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
