this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
