i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
